The Illusion of Resistance
How Desire, Not Discipline, Shapes Our Choices
We’ve all experienced moments where we tell ourselves we’re resisting something important. Resistance to working out. Resistance to writing. Resistance to waking up early. Resistance to taking action on the very thing we know will move us forward.
What if resistance isn’t the problem at all, but merely a sign that another desire is taking precedence?
Desire Is the Driver of All Decisions
Every decision is a trade-off between competing desires. What we call resistance is simply choosing one desire over another.
• You say you resist working out, but in reality, you want comfort, rest, or entertainment more.
• You say you resist writing, but you want the ease of scrolling, a clean house, or another distraction more.
• You say you resist waking up early, but you want the comfort of sleep more than the feeling of starting the day strong.
There’s no internal enemy fighting against us. There is only a hierarchy of wants, where in any moment, one desire outweighs another. This clear understanding of our competing desires opens up a new way of thinking: moving from feeling resistant to making conscious choices.
With this insight in hand, we can now explore the underlying forces that shape our wants.
Wanting as The Foundation of Action
At the heart of every decision lies the simple act of wanting. Our actions, or our hesitations, are guided by what we desire most in the moment. Recognizing that our deepest longings are often influenced by our early experiences and the people around us is pre.
Our attachment patterns, formed in childhood, shape how we seek comfort, connection, and fulfillment. These early bonds create a blueprint for what we value, subtly steering our choices even into adulthood.
Mimetic Desire
Coined by philosopher René Girard, mimetic desire explains that our wants are not entirely original, they’re often borrowed from those we admire. From family members to peers and cultural icons, we internalize behaviors and aspirations modeled by those around us.
Ask yourself: Do you truly desire a healthier lifestyle for its own sake, or are you emulating the habits of someone you look up to?
Recognizing mimetic desire helps clarify that our resistance to change might be rooted in these borrowed impulses rather than in a lack of willpower.
Wired to Desire
From childhood onward, our experiences shape the way we want and how we view the world. The attachment we form with our caregivers (whether secure, anxious, or avoidant) lays the groundwork for our future desires.
Early conditioning establishes patterns that can both propel us forward and hold us back. What appears as resistance in our daily lives may be the echo of deeper, sometimes outdated, desires forged in our formative years.
Let’s see how this plays out in everyday life.
The Freedom of Reframing: From Resistance to Choice
When we shift our mindset from “I’m resisting this” to “I just wanted something else more in that moment,” it does something powerful:
1. It removes self-judgment.
Instead of seeing ourselves as undisciplined, lazy, or weak, we recognize that we’re simply making choices based on what we prioritize in that instant.
2. It puts us back in control.
If resistance is the enemy, we feel powerless, fighting an invisible force. But if it’s just a matter of prioritizing one want over another, then we’re in charge. We can choose differently.
3. It forces us to confront our real desires.
Once we confront our true desires, the path to lasting change becomes clear. With this mindset, we can begin to reorder our priorities and harness the power within.
When we stop blaming resistance, we get to ask: Do I truly want this short-term comfort more than my long-term goal?
Where Power and Change Happen
Real change doesn’t come from willpower alone, it comes from reordering our wants so that the long-term pull becomes stronger than the short-term pull.
• Instead of trying to push through resistance, we start asking, What do I truly want?
• Instead of trying to force discipline, we start reshaping our environment, habits, and mindset to make the higher-value want the easier choice.
Once we realize that resistance isn’t a battle to win but a signal of what we value in the moment, everything changes. The illusion of resistance fades, and we see clearly:
It’s not about whether we can push through. It’s about whether we can want the right thing more.
This is the core of transformation. Not fighting against ourselves, but understanding ourselves…and making choices accordingly.
It’s not about removing desire. It’s about elevating it—wanting the right things more than the things that hold us back.
And when we truly want something more than we want the alternatives?
Discipline isn’t even necessary. We just move.
What’s one area in your life where you’ve been blaming resistance? And what do you really want more in those moments?
Let me know in the comments. Would love to hear your thoughts.
Here are real examples of this concept in action:
1. The Morning Breakthrough
Every morning, Alex experienced an internal struggle as her alarm signaled the start of a new day. Her alarm blared, and her inner voice argued: “Just five more minutes won't hurt.”
In that quiet struggle, Alex realized she wasn’t fighting laziness; she was simply choosing the comfort of sleep over her long-term goal of a more productive day. One morning, that insight sparked a shift…she understood that every extra minute in bed was a choice. She stopped negotiating with herself. From that day on, she began seeing the early hours as an opportunity to invest in her future, transforming dread into drive.
She began to want to get up!
What small choices in your morning routine reflect a deeper priority for you?
How might your choices around your morning routine influence your actions and results later, like the rest of the day?
2. The Meditation Shift
Sarah always struggled with meditation. In the morning, her mind raced with competing tasks, making it hard to settle into the stillness. Determined to reclaim her focus, she developed a ritual that started the night before.
Before bed, Sarah prayed, a quiet moment that planted a seed of excitement for the morning. When she awoke, she prepared her space with intention: a short prayer, a few deep breaths, and a dedicated setup for her meditation.
During her session, instead of feeling pulled away by distractions, she immersed herself in exploring the depths of the practice. Afterward, closing with gratitude, she carried that calm focus throughout the day. This layered ritual elevated every task by infusing it with purpose.
She began to want to meditate!
What small choice in your evening routine reflects a deeper priority for you?
How might your choices around your evening routine influence your actions and results later, like the next morning?
3. The Nutrition Transformation
For years, David saw his struggles with healthy eating as a lack of willpower. But when he lost a loved one, everything shifted. In his grief, he rediscovered a powerful desire, to live vibrantly for his kids and cherish the moments they’d share. Embracing this purpose, David launched a new morning routine, turning every day into a reminder of his impact.
Suddenly, every choice at the dinner table changed from a battle against temptation to a declaration of his own identity. David’s choices began to feel like an expression of who he truly wanted to be. He stopped relying on willpower, and began embracing a lifestyle that resonated with his core values.
He began to want to eat healthy!
Reflect on your own choices. What underlying desire is driving your actions today?
What small change can you make to better align your actions with your deepest desires?
Remember, recognizing that resistance is just a choice between competing desires empowers us to pursue long-term fulfillment over short-term comfort. Every time you choose one desire over another, you're not battling an enemy, you're actively shaping the future you want.
Stay tuned for practical strategies to make these choices effortless next week.